Posted on December 30th, 2012 by Colin and is posted in Interviews
Welcome to this next interview in the “Meet the Experts” series. I recently interviewed the amazing Melody Fletcher – http://www.deliberateblog.com
Melody is an expert in the Law of Attraction, who doesn’t believe that spirituality or personal development have to be so damn serious all the time. She helps people to finally make sense of LOA, and to remember who they really are, so they can annoy their friends and co-workers with their new-found happiness.
What You’ll Learn:
- What the Law of Attraction is
- What you have to pay attention to if you want the Law of Attraction to work for you
- How Melody has used the Law of Attraction to transform her life
- How to overcome low self worth
- Melody’s 3 Top tips to activate and utilise the Law of Attraction in your life
Enjoy this inspiring interview and if you like it, please “like,” “tweet” and “+1″ it! Help spread the word beautiful people!
Your inspiration. My passion.
P.S. If you have any comments or questions for Melody, please leave them in the comments box below.
P.P.S. You can watch, read and download the interview onto your MP3 player. I’ve got your learning style covered!
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Colin: Hello, Colin “Midlife Maverick” Hiles here. Welcome to this next interview in the “Meet the Expert” series. Today, I’m interviewing one of the superstars that I’ve been following, and that’s Melody Fletcher. Now, Melody is an expert in the Law of Attraction. Her website is http://www.deliberateblog.com It’s a positive little corner of the Internet where she helps people finally make some freaking sense of the Law of Attraction. She also helps people remember who they really are so that they can annoy their friends and coworkers with their newfound happiness.
I know you’re going to love this interview with Melody. She has a fantastic sense of humor. She takes things so much more lightly than some others that drop into this thing called personal development. She’s going to be great. Welcome, Melody.
Melody: Hey, Colin. Thank you very much for having me. I really, really appreciate it.
Colin: Well, I’ve been looking forward to this. How are you today?
Melody: I’m fantastic. I’m fantastic. As you know, I live in Spain. You live in Spain. It’s just a fabulous place to live, so it’s really hard to wake up in a bad mood here.
Colin: [laughs] Yes, I agree. Why don’t you start out just by telling the listener a little bit about yourself and what you do?
Melody: OK. Well, I live in Barcelona, Spain, as I said. I am first and foremost a writer. I write primarily about the Law of Attraction, about the universal laws, and basically about the rules that actually govern our reality, as opposed to the rules that we’ve been taught, that don’t really work, and that a lot of people are figuring out now don’t work. I’m also an energy coach, which is the primary focus of my business, and an energy coach is kind of like a life coach, and a therapist, and a healer all rolled into one.
I do phone coaching appointments with my clients, and I help them achieve clarity, figure out how they got to where they are right now, and what to do to get to where they want to go, which also includes figuring out what it is that they actually really want, instead of what they think they’d been wanting and has been satisfying them.
That’s primarily what I do. I spend most of my days writing or on the phone with clients.
Colin: Fantastic! If I’ll just maybe put a little bit of context around this, because I’m really excited about having Melody on this call, because, as you know, if you’ve been following Maverick, we’ve done a poll recently to find out, out of three big three inner resistance, the big blocks, and that’s about clarity, and fear, and money issues, what’s the biggest block, second, and third? Clarity was first, fear, second, getting out of money was third. I thought it’d be fantastic to have Melody on the call to talk about those three areas, but also talking about it from the perspective of Law of Attraction. For those of you that have been on the retreats, the Follow Your Smile retreats, you’ll know that we talk a lot about the laws. There are three laws that we talk about, kind of the ABCs. It’s the Law of Attraction, the Law of Belief, and the Law of Cause and Effect.
We’re always living our lives inside these three laws. We can’t live outside of them. I know it’s going to be really, really useful to get Melody’s point of view around this. For those that maybe don’t know that much about the Law of Attraction, can you just explain to them, and give your definition of, what is the Law of Attraction?
Melody: Sure, and just for the sake of clarity, there are all kinds of different ways to break down universal laws. The way that I teach it, and the way I explain it, I don’t break them down. To the individual laws for me, it’s all Law of Attractions, all one umbrella. I find that by separating them, people have heard about the 11 Universal Laws, for example, which are, for me, all part of the Law of Attraction, and a lot of the times, by separating them out, for some people, it can provide clarity, but for a lot of other people, it just confuses and muddies them more.
So I lump it all together, and try to explain it in a way that makes sense, because I find that a lot of the time, the Law of Attraction is very confusing, and when people talk about the Law of Attraction, they’re not actually talking about the Law of Attraction. For me, it’s less important to label things, and more important to just bring the big picture.
The Law of Attraction, for me, is a spiritual philosophy. I don’t call it a science. I certainly don’t want to call it a religion, but it’s more along those terms, because it is a belief system. It is the spiritual philosophy that sort of explains everything. It explains human behavior, it explains how you get what you get in your life, why you don’t have what you want or what you’ve been wanting for a long time, and what drives us, what keeps us going, what causes us to evolve.
At the very heart of it is, of course, the saying that everybody knows, like attracts like, but that’s an oversimplification. What it really is, in a practical way, whatever you’re focusing on, you will get more of in your life, whether you know what you’re focusing on or not.
This is how people often create their reality in ways where they say, “Well, if I was doing this purposefully, or if I was doing this on purpose, I certainly wouldn’t create all this crap around me. I would have a great relationship, and my wife wouldn’t be B‑I‑T‑C‑H,” or whatever, “and my boss wouldn’t be the jerk that he is,” but oftentimes you have no idea what you’re focusing on.
If you’re talking about, for example, what a jerk your boss is for eight hours a day, that’s what you’re focusing on, and guess what you’re going to get, your reality? Bigger jerks. More jerks, and then you’re wondering, “Well, I would never create this.”
Well, yeah, knowingly, but once you start to know how this works, then you can actually start to focus on what it is that you want, which, in this case, would be, “I want a nice boss who understands me, who supports me,” and then you start to focus on that. You use tools that you’ve been given, and this is really fascinating how as you get into this, everything starts to make sense.
One of the tools that we’ve been given to help us create is our imagination. Our imagination isn’t just there for us to entertain ourselves with, even though that’s a fantastic reason to use it. Our imagination is actually there for the urge for us to create something that we have not yet created, because our physical reality is what we’ve already created. We’ve focused on it before, now it’s been created.
Now, if you keep noticing it, what you’re going to do is you’re going to recreate it over, and over, and over again. You’re just going to recreate the same thing over and over again. But what you can do is you can use your imagination to create a different scenario, then focus on that until it comes into the physical, and it really does work. Try it. It really does work, but you have to be willing to see it in your imagination first, and focus on it, before it can come into your physical.
There are more things that can go wrong a little bit there, some fine tuning work that needs to be done a lot of the time, because we just pay attention to our thoughts most of time, so a lot of the times, our thoughts all over the place, and we really don’t know where they are. Your evidence of where your thoughts are going is your physical reality.
If you think you’re thinking positive thoughts, but your reality is a bunch of crap, you’re not thinking a bunch of positive thoughts. You’re thinking about positive sounding thoughts, but they’re not actually positive thoughts. I can sit here and say, “I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself,” but if I actually hate myself, then those pretty sounding words mean nothing.
What I actually truly believe is what’s going to be manifesting, and that’s really, in a very tiny nutshell, that’s what the Law of Attraction is.
Colin: Although you’ve covered it in what you’ve just said, just to maybe put a different spin on it, why should the listener be interested in it? Why should they understand it more? Why should they study it a little bit, maybe, so that they get their knowledge and their understanding of it much higher?
Melody: Well, first of all, I want to stress that you do not have to understand how this works in order for it to work. There is a process in place that is an absolutely natural process, that will keep moving you forward towards what you want, sometimes kicking and screaming, sometimes on a very bumpy road, but it will keep moving you forward towards what you want, no matter what you do. You will not be doomed if you don’t understand this stuff, because if that was true, then we would’ve gone extinct a long time ago. The benefit in understanding this stuff in detail is like being a given rule book to the Game of Life.
Instead of puttering through it blindly, and stumbling about, and going, “Ahh, I don’t like this. Ahh, I don’t like that,” and every once in a while, you’re going to have a good moment, where you’re like “Oh, this is nice. Why can’t my life always be like this?” you get to create many more of those moments in your life. You can actually shape your life deliberately, and have a much easier ride, and get to what you want much faster and at a much smoother road.
You’re always going to be going down that road, but by doing this deliberately, but understanding how it works, you get to have a smoother ride, and maybe travel in a much nicer vehicle.
Colin: Just take us back a bit further. What were you doing before, and maybe you can tie that into getting clarity, fears, money issues, because you are now doing something quite different, right? You will have gone through what many of the listeners will be going through, based on the poll, so if you could tie that together, that’d be fantastic.
Melody: I have gone through a lot. Everybody always wants to hear, particularly in interviews and things, people always want to hear, “I had a crap life, I had a crap life, I had a crap life, I had an epiphany, I started thinking positively, and six months later, I married my soul mate, I had a million dollars in the bank, I had a Ferrari in the garage, and lots of young men were feeding me grapes on the beach.” Everybody wants to hear it like that, but in real life, it’s actually much more subtle than that, and a much longer progression. First of all, for most of the transition that I was going through, I did not know what I know now, so I was not consciously aware of this. Again, when you’re not consciously aware of this, the process is slower. It still happens, it’s just slower, so for a lot of my life, I went through that.
What did I do before? Well, I was a restaurant manager in San Francisco for a number of years. I was a dealer in Las Vegas for almost five years. I was a telecommunications salesperson in Germany for a number of years. I ran a technology service center for Citigroup here in Barcelona for almost five years. You put that all together and you can get up to 29 or so.
Every time I made a big transition in my life, I went through what some of your audience is going through. I know the transition well. I can tell you this right off the bat. It gets a lot easier. Once you’ve moved countries once, you lose all fear of moving countries because you realize “Oh God, it’s really not that hard.”
It’s that first big one that’s hard. That was made easy for me because I grew up on two continents. I have dual citizenship. I’m a German national and an American national. So I have always been able to go back and forth easily. I grew up with my world bigger than that. I didn’t just grow up in one country.
Yet still, I had fears before moving on. I had things that I had to overcome. It was interesting that, the questions you sent me, the sample questions that you might ask me, you asked early on, it was number two or three or something like that, “Did you have anything to overcome? Did you have any obstacles to overcome,” or something like that. Then later on in the list, you wrote “Did you have any beliefs that you had to release?”
To me, those are the exact same questions. I realized that for a lot of people it’s not the same questions, because they might say “Well, I was born poor and that disadvantaged me. Then I didn’t get good jobs right away and I had this boss that kept me down. Then I had an angry father,” or whatever.
But to me it’s all the same because all of those things are just manifestations of your belief systems, always your belief systems. I had many to overcome. I am certainly not the poster child for somebody who has never had a belief to overcome, which is part of why I understand this stuff so well because, boy, have I released beliefs.
One of them that I had is I did grow up poor. There was a time in my life where I was very resentful of people who went to Harvard, for example. I felt that they were very privileged. I felt very underprivileged. I felt like I had to fight harder just to get to the same point as everybody else. I had to fight twice as hard.
There was a time when I manifested a lot of chauvinism in my life. I felt very strongly that a glass ceiling existed. Of course, because I felt that very strongly, I kept bumping into it. I got very angry about that because I felt it was very unfair. But at that time, I didn’t understand that I was creating those situations.
There were beliefs of inferiority. There was a strong belief that suffering was virtuous. I know that belief very well because we all carry it, and I certainly did. I was actually proud of how much pain I was able to endure. I was proud of how hard I was willing to work. I was proud of how much it took to bring me down.
Not realizing for a second that that stubbornness of holding on to that pain and saying “I can take it, I can take it, I can take it” was so unnecessary because as soon as I was willing to give it up, and just say “I can’t take this anymore,” that’s when things started to improving. That’s when energy started flowing. That’s when things started to get good. That’s when solutions stated to show up instead of more problems.
But for a long time, again and again and again, it took me a while to get it because I got to tell you I went through a lot of pain. I created experience after experience after experience that had to break me in some way. I created illness. I created near nervous breakdowns, working 120 hour weeks at one point.
I created incredible extremes in my life because that’s what it took to get me to fricking give it up. My breaking point was way up here. Now I’m proud to say that I have almost no tolerance for pain. The second that I feel uncomfortable, I do something about it. No, no, no, no pain, no discomfort. I don’t want any of it.
It used to be “I can handle it.” It used to be a point of pride. It was such a stupid belief. It really, really, really caused so much unnecessary pain in my life. That was perfect because it ended up showing me what I needed to see. It ended up finally breaking me, getting me to give up. For many of us, that’s what it takes for us to finally be willing to try something else.
We do the same thing, we do the same thing, we do the same thing. We work ourselves into an absolute state of frenzy or stress or pain or illness. Only when we get desperate and we can’t take it any more are we willing to try something else.
Colin: Yup, I’m going to agree with that entirely. As you moved to the career that you’ve got now, because often when we make a transition like that, there can be people around us, people we love and they love us, yet when we share what we want to do and the direction we want to go in it can sometimes bring about rejection. So did you have any of that? When you said “Hey, hand up here. I’m going to be a Law of Attraction coach.” How did your friends, family, respond to that?
Melody: I was really lucky. I was really lucky. My mother, who is my best friend, she is my coach. I always tell her that, she is my coach. She is not a professional coach or anything, but she is the original coach. She’s the original Fletcher. She has always been super supportive of me because I have always been the black sheep of the family. I have always followed my intuition even if it made no sense to anybody. For example, when I was 19, I moved to San Francisco. Then I moved to Las Vegas on a whim because I was working 120 hours a week and I just decided to go to Vegas.
My family, at some point, just stopped saying anything because they realized that it didn’t do any good, that I was just going to go. My mother was the only one, for many years, who understood that. Now my family gets me, but my mother was the only one who understood that and supported it.
She was always the person that would be like “Go with what you feel.” She’s always the same way. She follows her gut on even big decisions. Then the mind tries to come up with reasons why that might be a good idea, but the gut is in charge. We’ve always lived like that. So I got very lucky that way.
But yet, my last job where I did this was a big corporate executive job. Of course, in my corporate executive job, I didn’t exactly go into business meetings and go “OK you all, let’s meditate.” This part of me was very much hidden, or I felt it was very much hidden. That actually caused a great deal of pain because I was denying a lot of who I really was.
There is a difference between not saying something and truly pretending to see something else because you don’t think what you are is OK, two completely different things. I don’t go into dinner parties and slap people in the face with what I do if they wouldn’t be able to accept it. I don’t have arguments about this. I don’t feel the need to throw it in people’s faces.
If they ask me about it, I’ll talk about it. Otherwise, I might be very quiet about it depending on what company I am in. But if somebody asks me a question, I will answer it truthfully. I will not pretend to be something else, because I no longer feel like what I am is not OK. But at that time I did. I’ve had a moment of awakening. I’ve had many in my life. But this was a big one.
I was in Peru and I was going through some Shamanic rituals on a regular basis. I spent a month in Peru with a Shaman. As part of that I really woke up to the fact that I could no longer deny who I was. I could no longer fake it. I had to become truly authentic. I had to admit who I was and what I wanted. I realized that my spirituality, and for me this is part of my spirituality, was not just something peripheral, it was a huge part of who I am.
Moving into the beliefs of Law of Attraction to the point where you can have such conviction, it requires some dedication, because you’re going against the grain. You’re going against what everybody in society thinks. It’s going to take a little bit of conviction, a little bit of effort. That means spending some time on it. If I wanted to make this my main focus in life, so to speak, then I had to become honest, whatever the costs and whatever the danger.
Suddenly instead of saying, “Whatever the cost, I will hide this part of myself,” I switched, it was a big switch, to “Whatever the cost, I will be honest about who I am.” Because I became OK with it, my reality had to morph around me to mirror that back to me.
I went out and I actually contacted my former boss and told her what I was doing. I launched my site and I showed it to her. As far as I know she’s not into it, but she was oddly accepting of it which gave me some courage to go to other people. I went to former employees that are now friends. The wonderful thing is that a lot of them reacted not in a shocked “Oh my God, we can’t believe you’re doing this,” way, a lot of them looked at me and went, “Yeah, I could always see that in you.”
I had a conversation with my former deputy about that. He was my right hand guy when I was running the technology center, and he reminded me of things that I had not consciously seen. For example, I used to train managers. If I trained a manger how to hire somebody, I had never done this in writing because HR would have kicked my butt, but I would tell people, “Use your intuition.”
How did you feel about this guy as you were talking to him? Did you get a good feeling? I would teach them to trust their gut, so they were like, “Well, on paper, he seems OK.” I let them make mistakes. If they did hire the person and he turned out badly, they could say, “Oh God yeah, I didn’t feel right about him.”
I couldn’t put my finger on it and now he turned out to be this horrible this or whatever, something that I couldn’t have foreseen. Something in me felt it. I was teaching them to use basically the Law of Attraction in many ways when dealing with disciplinary matters. For example, when you’re dealing with an employee, come at them from a point of view, that they are better than that.
Not that they’re broken or that they’re a horrible employee or they just want to do this to annoy you, but rather that, they have a reason for doing what they’re doing. They are capable of much more, and see their potential. Put your focus on who you know they are and who you want them to be, which is a half person who enjoys doing what they do, and they’re proud of their job. If they’re not doing that, then there must be something wrong. Not that they are an intrinsically or a horrible person who just wants to mess with you.
That management style, a Law of Attraction management style, evokes a very different response from employees than a dictatorial management style or a very negatively focused management style.
He reminded me of how much of this stuff I had actually brought to my job without realizing it, and I talked about it differently. I didn’t talk about Law of Attraction and vibration and energy, I talked about positive mindset and body language and whatnot. But it didn’t matter, the message was the same.
He was the one who connected all the dots and went, “You’ve been teaching us this stuff for years.” What you’re doing now, you’re just being honest about it basically. I thought, “Oh God yeah. You’re right.” I hadn’t really hidden myself away nearly as well as I thought I had. It was really not nearly as much.
This is a great message for your readers. The people that know you, they know who you are. They’re not going to be nearly as surprised by what you’re doing as you might think.
The people that tell you that it can’t be done, they’re only showing you their own beliefs and their own limitations. When somebody comes up to you and says, “Well, you can’t do that,” it’s only because what they’re really saying is, “I would never do that. I don’t feel that I can do that.” I’m sure that you’ve talked to many people where they say, “I wish I could do what you could do.” Then you start to point out to them how they could.
Then they come up with all the reasons why they can’t. You know that their reasons are absolute BS because there are people out there who’ve overcome all of those reasons. Like somebody who says, “Well, I could never move to another country because I have children.” Well, that’s not true. There are lots of people who have children that move to other countries. But to them that is an absolute showstopper. It always comes down to your beliefs.
If you really believe in yourself, the people who might reject your choices, they will have no power to change your mind. They won’t even matter. If what they’re saying to you is really bothering you, then they’re only reflecting back their own doubts to you. Because they can’t even make it into reality if you don’t have any doubts within yourself.
I have seen this happen. People that I would have sworn to you would be all negative about it. I was like, “They’re not going to affect me, but they’re going to be all negative about it. That’s just who they are.” Suddenly came out of the woodwork going, “That’s fabulous. I think that’s a great idea.” I’m sitting there God‑smacked because they’re mirroring back my vibration even though I had a slightly negative expectation of them, my actual belief of what I was doing was so strong that they could not fight it. They had to come and meet me on my terms because that’s where I was at. It all starts with you.
So, you don’t have to be afraid of people rejecting what it is that you’re doing. Just keep focusing on what it is that you’re doing, why it is that you’re doing, why you want to do it? It’s so strong in your conviction to do it, then it’s the right thing to do. Follow your gut. When your gut says, “This is the right thing, right now.” Then those naysayers won’t get anywhere near you.
Colin: Yeah, very good. Follow your gut is what we call follow your smile.
Melody: There you go. I like that.
Colin: Follow your smile. All right, so as we start to conclude this, can you give maybe three of your top tips, you just mentioned some…things that they can do to start to apply and use the Law of Attraction in their life?
Melody: Yes. The first one is have a positive expectation. I just did a blog post on my blog that was all about the saying, “doing things just in case.” There’s nothing wrong with taking an umbrella if you think it’s going to rain ‑‑ that sort of thing. But we do so much focus on the worst possible scenario just in case. The example that I used is, you have a job interview, and you focus on all the way in which they might trip you up. They’re going to ask me tough questions. They’re going to try and get me. That’s placing your focus on a negative expectation. You’re actually lining yourself up with what you don’t want. Spend 10 or 15 minutes preparing for the tough questions. But then spend the rest of your time focusing on what you want which is a friendly interview. You see yourself laughing with each other. You see yourself getting the job. Expect it to go well, because your expectation creates.
If you keep focusing on the negative just in case, you’re actually perpetuating that. Start focusing on what you want. Part of that is creating a positive expectation. You can do that anywhere. I’m going to drive two hours down South. Ah, I bet traffic is going to be horrible. That’s a negative expectation right there. Stop yourself. Don’t beat‑up on yourself. Stop yourself and gently say, “Wait. Do I want traffic to be hell?” No I don’t.
I want traffic to be nice and easy. I’m going to visualize nice and easy. I’m going to visualize friendly drivers. I’m going to visualize green lights. I’m going to visualize flowing traffic, where I’m calm and I’m happy, and maybe some great tunes are playing on the radio. You do that for a couple minutes and you notice how much lighter that feels. Do that and prove it to yourself that that will actually lead to rates of traffic. But it sounds too easy. But it really, really works.
Another thing that you could do to regularly take some time out to visualize what it is that you want. If there are things in your life that are not going well, spend 10 or 15 minutes every day, it does not have to be hours, but spend 10, 15 minutes a day focusing on the opposite. But you must do it in a way that feels good. For most of us that becomes very, very hard. The trick to do that is to get really, really general about it.
For example, if you have a lot of bills, and it’s hard for you to pay the bills, and every time you think about the bills, you get a knot in your stomach. Then you don’t really want to think about the bills.
But what is that causing you to want? Well, it’s causing you to want lots of money. It’s causing you to want abundance. It’s causing you to want freedom from this feeling of being trapped by your bills, freedom from having to do a job that you don’t really want to do, but you don’t feel like you have a choice because you have all these bills. You focus in a very general way about what would freedom feel like.
Well, for a lot of people maybe walking on the beach feels like freedom. Or going out to a nice restaurant and visualizing yourself whipping out your black American Express card and paying the thing for everyone. If that feels really good to you, then do that and stay away from trying to figure out how that might come about. That’s the big thing there. Stay away from trying to figure out how it might come about. Because the details, the ideas of how it will come about, that’s a manifestation to you.
If you focus in the general direction of what you want, you’ll start to get more and more focused on the details and the details will come into focus for you so you’ll start to figure out the hows. Don’t start with hows, because that will put you in the negative space every single time.
Colin: Any others? That’s two. Any others? Any other top tips?
Melody: Loads of others. Let me choose which one I want to give you. One of the big things that you can do is to be nicer to yourself. It sounds cliché, “Love yourself and everything will be fine.” Let me get into the nitty‑gritty of that a little bit more to explain it so it makes sense. A lot of the problem in our lives for many people at the base of that is low self‑esteem or low self‑worth. We don’t think that we deserve a lot of money. We don’t think that we deserve a great relationship. People are always saying, “Work on your self‑worth. Love yourself more,” blah‑blah‑blah. But you can’t really work on your self‑worth head on. Because how do you do that? I’m worthy. I’m worthy. I’m worthy. It doesn’t help at all. You can chant that all day long and it’s not going to make you feel any better. But you work on self‑worth through different issues.
My low self‑worth in being manifested in this way. Then you can work on those issues. One of the very general ways that I found to start to shift some of that energy, shift some of those beliefs, is to notice how you’re talking to yourself. Most of us are super critical. We would think nothing of going, “Oh I’m so stupid! I can’t believe I just did that.” Yet you would never talk to anybody else that way. If one of your children made a mistake, you would not go, “Oh my God, you’re so stupid.”
You would never do that. You wouldn’t even think of doing that because you’d be like, “Oh, that’s fine. People make mistakes, and this is how we learn.” You’d be soothing and you’d calm them down, and yet we don’t do that with ourselves. What we’re doing there is we’re sending the message that we’re not worth being nice to, because it’s kind of like being in an abusive relationship with yourself.
If you got home every day, and your spouse looked at you, “God, you’re stupid, and you’re ugly, and look at how fat your ass is, and I can’t believe you wore, and haven’t you learned how to make more money by now? You’re such a failure.” This is the dialog we have going on in our heads all of the time. We would never stay with anybody that treated us like that, and yet we treat ourselves like that all day long.
It can be shocking to realize how we talk to ourselves, and we think maybe it’s not important, but it is, because if you think about the parallels, if you came home every day and had somebody treat you like that, every day, either after a while you’d be like, “Screw this. I’m out of here,” or your self‑esteem would plummet, and become an abused spouse.
Well, if you’re doing that yourself all the time, is it any wonder if you have low self‑esteem, or you feel like you’re not worthy of the things that you want? It’s actually a relatively easy thing to change, and it starts to shift all kinds of things, and other things in more specific areas of your life will show up, but it’s just to start to be kinder to yourself.
When you make a mistake, and you catch yourself saying, “God, you’re so stupid,” talk to yourself as though you were a small child. Why do I say, “Small child?” Not because you’re incompetent or anything like that, but because it’s really hard to be mean to a small child. You don’t look at a small child, who’s just made a mistake, and lay into them, unless you’re a total douchebag, in which case, you’re not ready to develop yourself personally.
If you talk to yourself as though you were a small child, you will say things like, “Oh, that’s OK. It’s not a big deal. It’s just a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes, and you’ll do better next time, and now you’ve learned.” That’s a very different way of talking to yourself than, “God, you’re so stupid. Oh, I can’t believe I did that,” and we do it all the time.
When the dialog changes, and it might take a few days to make any significant progress, because you’re really going to get some really ingrained habits here, and it is a habit of thought, but when you start to make that shift, you tip the scale, and you’re talking to yourself in a kind way more often. All it takes is 51 percent. 51 percent, that one extra percent, tips the scale.
You lighten up. Your heart gets lighter. It’s like a pressure is being taken off of you, because there was no pressure on you. It was being put on by yourself, and when you tip that scale, it’s amazing what opens up, and then you start to see possibilities that you didn’t before because you were afraid to explore them before.
This also goes along with what you were saying earlier, where you did a poll on your site, where people said, “Well, I don’t really know what I want.” Well, if you do not value yourself, if you do not feel like you have any worth, or you deserve things, because you’re constantly beating up on yourself, you’re not going to allow yourself to know what it is that you really want. You’re not going to allow yourself to acknowledge it, because you don’t think it’s possible, because you’re not worthy of it anyway.
This is actually a backdoor way to start to feel better about yourself, which will then open up all kinds of ideas, including what you want to do.
Colin: Very good. Very true. Now, here’s a question I ask every interviewee. It’s always good to say where it takes the person I’m interviewing, so here’s my question to you. As you sit there today, what’s becoming clearer to you?
Melody: Pretty much every day, so I can tell you what I’m working on in myself right now. What I’m working on right now is balance, and I’ve always been working on achieving balance, and I’ve never been particularly good at it. I can say I’m better at it now than I’ve ever been, but I’m still striving to find more balance. What do I mean by that? Well, I was always a total workaholic, and that was part of my suffering mentality, but it also comes from the fact that I’m very driven and I have a very strong desire. When you have a very strong desire, and you’re a very driven person, you move forward towards it, come hell or high water. Nothing’s going to stop you. So if I had any obstacle, I busted through them. No matter how bloody I got, I’m going there.
I learned a few years ago that I didn’t have to get all bloodied up. There was an easier way. What I do right now, for example, is I adore. I adore what I do right now. It lifts me up. It charges me up. I don’t get tired from coaching people all day. I could coach people all day, and I get so charged up, I get high from it. I can’t sleep, because the energy is so high, and I enjoy it so much, and it’s streaming through, and it’s fantastic.
But I’ve learned that as much as I love doing what I do, if that becomes pretty much the only thing I do, there’s still an imbalance that gets created, and that creates stress. Even though what I’m doing in life isn’t stressful at all, because I love it, I’m not pushing against myself, I still have to create balance.
A few weeks ago, my business just exploded, and within a two week period, I pretty much doubled my client base, just like that, and suddenly I got very, very busy. While I was adjusting to that, from the moment I got up to the moment I was going to bed, I was working, and I actually got stressed out. I couldn’t figure out why right away, because I’m like, “What am I doing that’s stressing me out? I love what I’m doing.”
Yet underneath, it was also like, “This can’t be the only thing.” It has to do other stuff too, and I wasn’t making time. Because I was so busy trying to adjust it to this volume, I wasn’t making time for anything else. I didn’t even go to the gym. I was doing almost nothing else. It was all I could do just to go buy groceries.
When I realized that, I backed off a bit. I slowed everything down a little bit and started to create more balance, at least going for a walk, at least going to the gym, or at least sitting on the terrace for a half an hour, reading a book while sipping tea ‑‑ something that was different, something that created balance.
It doesn’t have to be the equal amount of time, or anything like, but that’s something that I’m coming to is that we need balance in our lives. We need balance between the physical, the spiritual, the psychological, the emotional. We have to honor ourselves, and all parts of ourselves. And even when something is super positive in your life, you still have to make room for other things in your life to honor the other parts of yourself.
Anything that creates a kind of imbalance is going to create negative emotions, is going to create stress. That was a little bit of an epiphany for me.
Well, it turns out, at least for me, no. I still need variety. No matter how much I love what I’m doing, I still need that balance.
Colin: Tell us a little bit about your site. We will put the link to your site in the interview. We’ll put it in the top and the bottom. What’s on there for the list? What can they come, what can they get, what resources do you have for them?
Melody: There are tons. There is DeliberateReciving.com, and there’s a blog as well, DeliberateBlog.com, but they are linked together, so if you go to one, you can find the other. There are YouTube videos. There are quite a few audio tracks that you can listen to, and I keep adding to them, because a lot of people like to listen to uplifting things on their MP3s while they walk around town, and I do too, which is what I created so many of them.
There are articles that explain the basics of the Law of Attraction, and there are tons of blog posts that not all of which are funny. Some of them are really funny, and some of the topics I talk about are heavy. It’s hard to make some of them funny, so sometimes I don’t, and it could actually be disrespectful to some people if I did.
The blog is all about explaining how to apply the Law of Attraction to your actual real life, with your real life problems, so it’s not frou‑frou theory, sort of the woo‑hoo theory, where you’re like, “Just think positively, and just be OK, man, and everything will be OK, man.”
It’s really like, “My husband is screaming at me,” or, “I have a total douchebag boss. What do I do right now to get out of this, because thinking positively isn’t doing it for me, Melody, so what do I do?” I take a lot of questions, and I answer a lot of those questions directly on the blog. A lot of my blog posts are based on questions that I got from readers, and I don’t hold back.
People have asked me some of the most difficult questions, and I even did a series where I answered some questions from a skeptic, somebody who doesn’t even really believe in the Law of Attraction but was drawn to it anyway. I did a series of four posts, where I took the most difficult skeptic’s questions, and I answered them in‑depth, because I believe that this spiritual philosophy really explains everything, and I can’t claim that if I’m not willing to explain things using it.
It’s become a community of people that are striving to understand the Law of Attraction. I’m a very intellectual, cerebral person, who really needs to understand things in order to believe them, so I attract very much the same kind of audience, people who like to understand, if the Law of Attraction works, how exactly does it work? How does this come about?
That doesn’t mean that it’s not a little bit woo‑hoo still. It is, but not to the point where I’m talking about, “Just trust your guides and go with it.” I wanted to create, a community, or a place, or a resource like that where people could go to learn about the Law of Attraction and how to apply it, and I think that’s what it’s become. I’m super proud of it, and I love the community that’s developed there.
Colin: You should be. Just to reiterate what Melody just said, what hooked me was the fact that Melody doesn’t hold back on any question. She will go for it, and she will give it her all, and that’s really impressive, because you don’t see that very often. It was one of the things that I thought I found someone here that really understands, and is able to not only understand it, but explain it in such a way that someone who’s a simpleton, like myself, can get it real fast. Well, Melody, thank you very much today for your time, for your wisdom, for you expertise and for sharing your story, your journey as well, the ups, the downs. It’s been fantastic. Thank you very much.
Melody: Thank you. I had a great time, Colin. I really, really appreciate it. Anytime.
Colin: Thank you. Bye‑bye.